Saturday, February 21, 2009

life resumes the second after

Its all a dream until the second after.
Its all in my head until its finished.
The imaginary screams that end the laughter.
I resume life the moment after.
A second after life, and then its over.
A life tangled up in clumsy dreams,
between the fake,between the real.

that's a poem i made up, because most of the time I'm just getting on with things. waiting for the next unknown.. but the next unknown is usually always known and predictable and usually the same thing i did the day before, except for the exception of the phrases id use.
Sometimes i just start feeling like im heading towards insanity. not being able to prevent the boredom and repetitiveness of my own future.. i know I'm a morbid bastard, but i'm just being honest...
its just the way my mind works.
one depressing thought after the next! I know that obviously I'm not going to progress in life with such a negative attitude but getting it down on paper makes everything a lot better.

were like clocks

Tick Tock, Tick Tock.
i wont be another clock.

leading up to the chime we stop.
i wont be another chime,
another scream from this clock of mine.
a chime of 6 billion clocks,
fading and renewing at the same time,
crying out to be rewound.
were all chiming till we eventually stop.
the wood we rely on decomposes as we tick,
it decomposes quicker if our clocks turn sick.
so whats the point in following time,
leading up, chime by chime.
why do we chime and tick and tock,
when in the end we chime to stop?

but im just another clock,
Tick Tock, Tick Tock.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

The Sky Will Boil

The Sky Will boil
Slide into the streams.
Thunder and rupture.
white searing screams.
The mountains will whip out the sound of my name
from furious fires they spit out in flame.
But I've sunken into the ground.
where no sounds follow.
away from all the pain of conditional happiness.

My view on depression

They say that depression is a chemical imbalance of the brain. but what if it was actually a chemical balance?
That the normal amount of endorphins in the brain is high enough to stop you from seeing the negative and actual aspects of what makes the world the mostly negative place it is today. When you have depression it feels as if its you who can see the truth behind the loop,
Kind of like in the matrix movie when everybody is living in a superficial reality where people seem to instinctively click into place like clockwork. Apart of instinct would be to get on with things, eat breakfast, go to work, finally get a break, back to work, then go home and sleep. not realizing the monotonous routine life has turned into, but instead, taking great satisfaction from that feeling they get at the end of the day for constantly moving around. not taking a second to think....
They all fit into that part of instinct so that you can get on with things.

Its when your doing everything like everyone else and there's an inkling at the back of your mind, like a loose thread, and the fabricated reality starts getting pulled and unfurls from underneath the surface of your mind, that makes you start to question.
and suddenly, it feels like you've been ripped out of the vacuum tight loop, and your in the world with everyone else but everything is different..
faces change from the way they wear there makeup to the vacant stare.. the human stare.
and everyone starts to look the same, talking to themselves in groups.
everyones talking to themselves within the loop, and no one but you seems to be out of it.

its sort of like the song "people are strange - the Doors"

People are strange when youre a stranger
Faces look ugly when youre alone
Women seem wicked when youre unwanted
Streets are uneven when youre down
When youre strange
Faces come out of the rain
When youre strange
No one remembers your name
People are strange when youre a stranger
Faces look ugly when youre alone